Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Dinosaur Pile Up Interview

We talk plane crashes to MP expenses. Super.


A:Did dinosaurs eat grass?
Steve: NO! Because grass hadn’t evolved then.
Matt: But there was some in Jurassic Park?
S: Jurassic Park isn’t real.
Tom: Steve’s a dinosaur expert.
A:Do you know how many types of dinosaur there are?
S: No, we should read up.
A:700! And about 128 have been found in England.
M: Wow.
S: I didn’t actually know that.
P: They found a woolly mammoth in the cliffs at West Runton.
M: What, just walking around?
P: Yep
S: They found a woolly mammoth with hairs on it and got its DNA
M: That’s amazing.
P: Right. Proper questions.
A: If you could go to school in any place and any time in history, where and when would you go?
S: I’d have gone in ancient Greece. The Greeks had a style.
T: No, Rome.
M: I’d have thought you’d have said you’d have gone in Medieval times. Tom’s obsessed with medieval history.
S: I would have like to have seen Athens.
M: I would have been an Inca child. They were way more advanced and out there.
T: Didn’t they have lots of disappeared temples?
M: Brutal but technologically brilliant.
P: Did they have iPods?
M: Yep. They invented the iPod.
A: If you went back in time to a corrupt police force (like in Ashes to Ashes what we had just been talking about) would you join in the corrupt if you thought it could get you back to the future, or would you FIGHT?
T: That’s a difficult one.
S: I’d love to say I’d fight the good fight, but I dunno…
M: There’s a danger of death in fighting the bad fight.
A: Well the corrupt police officer came back from the future and shot his good younger self and framed the good lady police officer for murder. And the leader of the police who was really corrupt shot himself.
M: Either way, we’re going to get shot aren’t we?
T: But I think if you had a time machine you’d be ace at everything.
P Yeahs.
A: I had to ask that one to make this next question more connected to school. Yehhh flow.
If zombies invaded the world, would you join them, or run away and hide, or fight them, or none.
S: I’d choose none, it’s obviously the easiest.
M: What is none?
A: That’s for you to use your initiative on.
M: You’d just have to keep moving, like in 28 Days later. I’d lock all the doors and live in the kitchen.
P: I was thinking that a supermarket would be a good place.
T: No! It’s too big to man. You’d have fights over food…and where would you find your weapon??
M: What would you take with you if you had to leave? I think I’d just grab a kitchen knife and go.
T: I’d take a tent. And a knife. But no clothes. But my iPod. And I’d have to do the four pocket check… I’m a bit OCD about forgetting my keys, but then I’d set off.
M: Other than the kitchen knife, I’d bring a mic stand, because it’s a heavy bit of metal. Then get in the van and run away without you. Actually…I may wait for you, we need man power. And then I’d probably go to the lake district and call Steve when we were halfway there because we’d forgotten him.
S: We’ve had loads of practise fighting zombies on Call of Duty.
M: I dunno what the fuck you’d do, I’d ring you and tell you to get the fuck to my house.
S: I’d be fine, I’d just mingle in with them.
A:If you were given the choice of gills or wings, which would you choose?
M&S: WINGS!!!!
T: What? Oh. Gills? Oh maybe wings actually.
S: Wings would be better for a daily basis, although I would like to go to the bottom of the sea. A:Did you know more people have been to the moon than have been to the bottom of the sea?
M: That old fact.
T: What about both, there was that film with the flying piranhas…
M: Like that brilliant brilliant monster movie with a monster in a river. It starts of all little then gets massive.
T: Shit happens.
M: Is the evolution thing fact of theory?
P: Fact, unless you’re crazy.
M: I was just wondering, because you know there’s some things that you know are true, and some are ‘proven’…it’s proven but it’s not.
A: If you could only ever go on one flight again ever where would you go?
T: I’d say somewhere exotic but I’ve never been so I don’t know what it would be like. But I went to Sicily recently and it was amazing, so I’d say there.
M: I’d go to Vancouver. Where would you go to Steve, Bradford?
S: No, I’d go to India.
T: But you don’t like pooing though so it would be really awkward for you. You get lots in India, everyone gets pooey problems. Just to warn you.
M: I don’t want you to ring me when I’m in Vancouver just to moan about your poo.
T: It’s alright, I’d be in Sicily so could come rescue you in my fishing boat. You could just poo over the side for two weeks.
M: Two weeks? It would take about four months to get from Italy to India…
S: It would be fine, I could have sex with all the merladies along the way.
A: BUT how do you have sex with a mermaid?
S: It depends which end is a fish doesn’t it?
T: Yeah Steve would like that, a nice big fish head.
S: I’m going to get nasty with all the gills.
M: That’s the wrongest thing I’ve ever heard.
T: I love fish, I’m a big sea life fan. Not in the way Steve likes fish though.
M: Talking of planes, I haven’t watched much news recently but I just heard about the vanishing plane…
P: Ah we have a question about that!
A: If you were in a plane that vanished of the face of the sky , what would you like to think would happen?
M: I’d already imagined what I thought had happened as soon as I heard the news. You know how aliens could be strategically monitoring everything and occasionally steal people for tests…well that was one of them. They zapped it.
T: I’d like to be blown up instantly so I don’t know about it, rather that falling for like 4 minutes.
S: Apparently drowning is quite euphoric after the initial pain.
T: Yeah but you wouldn’t drown because you’d be dead as soon as you hit the water, it would be like falling off the Eiffel Tower onto concrete.
M: It’s horrible.
A: All they’ve found of the plane is a seat and some oil.
P: And some debris 35 miles away, but no people.
T: eerrrrghhhhhhhh horrid.
A: What is your favourite childhood memory?
M: Oh shit I dunno. When does childhood go up to?
T: This is going to sound really shit and cliché but for me it’s the first time I got drunk. We were in a skatepark and it was a lovely day in the sun. We all decided just to sit and get drunk. I thought I was too scared but then I did it and it was really nice. I think I believed that I was flying.
S: I think mine was that I had this friend who’s family were millionaires, and his dad was normally really strict but went away for 6 months of the year and his mum just let us get away with murder and we had loads of fun playing in the house.
M: I think mine was spending time in the country with my best friend and sometimes his brother.
A: If you want something, but all the immediate signs say you can’t have it, should you admit defeat, or FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT?
M: Always fight for it.
T: If you give up, it’s a bit weird.
M: Yeah, you could say that to troops in battle.
A: Right, this next question is a bit crap but it needs to be here for us to ask the next question. What is your rock and roll?
M: As in a metaphor for something good? Being in love.
T: This is going to sound really cliché, but going to gigs with my girlfriend, even if the music’s bad.
A: If you could have any roll in the world, what would you put in it?
S: I’d have a cheeseburger.
T: I’d put an entire roast dinner in my roll.
A: Isn’t that just a hog roast roll?
M: So you could have anything in the world and you chose a hogroast?! If there were really no boundaries I’d put an ENTIRE pizza in mine.
T: I wouldn’t care, as long as there was no mayo in it, because that’s the only thing I really hate. And mushrooms. Oh, and cucumber.
M: So that’s THE only thing…mayo…AND mushrooms…AND cucumber…
A: If you could colour anywhere in the world what would you colour?
T: Steve goes out a lot, and when he goes on a bender he literally looks green. So I’d colour him a rosy complexion.
S: I’d colour in Milton Keynes. Because I hate it, I’d love to give it a really good paint job.
M: I’d colour in the sea. I’d love to see a yellow sea.
A:In the current environmental situation, would you rather be a Polar Bear- beautiful and strong but the death of your species is imminent; or a grizzly bear who is more common and less shiny but not going to die?
M: I feel that we are the grizzly bears of the music world; we’re not as beautiful as other bands, but we shall climb the music tree.
A:If you were an MP, what expenses would you claim?
T: Oooo, economic climate questions.
S: NONE because I’m a man of the people.
T: If I had to claim anything, I’d claim a bed.

A:Just a bed?
S: I heard that an MP claimed back £5 he’d given to charity.
T: That’s really bad.
P: I’d claim a hot air balloon.
M: A guitar?
T: You bastard pleasure man.

Interview- Ali Hewson and Polly O'Shea; Words- Ali Hewson

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