Maybe not so sadly, I had to chop this interview right down as it just delved more and more deeply into the realms of insanity, and was about an hour long. I think it was for the best.
If you could be half animal half man, which half would be what, and what would the animal half be?
It doesn’t matter what or who you are if you’re in prison because you just become a nobody. A number. Have ANY of you read Les Mis?
That’s a horrible attitude towards half animals half men.
What sort of tripe is this? I see a half man half animal I either gun it down, or if I’m feeling especially generous, I put it in prison for the rest of its life.
What if it was a centaur?
A CENTUAR? I gun it down. You’ll never take a centaur alive, that’s what I’ve learnt.
What about if you lived in Narnia and met Mr Tumnus?
If I lived in Narnia I would have hanged myself long ago out of madness.
It’s true.
It’s true. You can’t live like that.
There’s not much of a social scene in Narnia. What about an absolute though- death or half animal, would you choose death?
I’d be half animal.
At least you’ve got the choice, what if someone told you that you have to be half man half guppie?
Guppie?
It’s a really small tropical fish.
That would be a real pickle of a situation because you would always have to live right near the surface of the water, so that both halves of your body could survive.
It’s sort of a ridiculous question- of course you’d choose half man half animal, because you could always kill yourself later.
What if you didn’t have any hands? Half man half worm, and you only had legs?
You could hang yourself in your own body. Or put yourself underneath a moving car.
Or drown yourself. Or dry yourself out?
Do worms have mouths?
Yes of course. How else would they speak?
How different do you find the reception in England from that in the US?
That was a bit of a left turn.
Pretty god damn indecipherably similar.
I wouldn’t say the music scene over here was the same though. We don’t seem to have so much sleaze.
You’re much more clinical.
What about Johnny Borrel? That dude is SLEAZE personified.
Not really. He’s still quite straight edged. He’s in the charts..and dates Hollywood actresses.
But ones that everyone knows have horrible STDs.
He’s going out with Kirsten Dunst.
STD HOTEL!
They have hotels?
To keep them alive to make time to study them later.
Well somebody’s got to.
It’s quite noble really.
Well, she is one of our most noble actresses.
Rex Regan!
Rex Regan is a noble actor?
No, for putting him up in her hotel.
If you could be any part in any film ever made what part would you be?
I would reprise Tom Selluck’s role in Quigly Down Under.
I’d be Tom Selluck’s role in Three Men One Lady.
He had it all figured out.
He certainly did. He finally learnt to balance family and career.
Could you not just balance your family and career anyway, so you could pick a different character with superhuman powers?
My character does have superhuman properties. He can shoot his rifle a mile and a quarter. This is an old school rifle, not a fancy marine sniper rifle.
Isn’t that the rifle’s skills?
No. This is like 1890s Australia.
Well that’s quite a skill.
He’s also just very roguish and charming, gets out of scrapes.
If you could be half animal half man, which half would be what, and what would the animal half be?
It doesn’t matter what or who you are if you’re in prison because you just become a nobody. A number. Have ANY of you read Les Mis?
That’s a horrible attitude towards half animals half men.
What sort of tripe is this? I see a half man half animal I either gun it down, or if I’m feeling especially generous, I put it in prison for the rest of its life.
What if it was a centaur?
A CENTUAR? I gun it down. You’ll never take a centaur alive, that’s what I’ve learnt.
What about if you lived in Narnia and met Mr Tumnus?
If I lived in Narnia I would have hanged myself long ago out of madness.
It’s true.
It’s true. You can’t live like that.
There’s not much of a social scene in Narnia. What about an absolute though- death or half animal, would you choose death?
I’d be half animal.
At least you’ve got the choice, what if someone told you that you have to be half man half guppie?
Guppie?
It’s a really small tropical fish.
That would be a real pickle of a situation because you would always have to live right near the surface of the water, so that both halves of your body could survive.
It’s sort of a ridiculous question- of course you’d choose half man half animal, because you could always kill yourself later.
What if you didn’t have any hands? Half man half worm, and you only had legs?
You could hang yourself in your own body. Or put yourself underneath a moving car.
Or drown yourself. Or dry yourself out?
Do worms have mouths?
Yes of course. How else would they speak?
How different do you find the reception in England from that in the US?
That was a bit of a left turn.
Pretty god damn indecipherably similar.
I wouldn’t say the music scene over here was the same though. We don’t seem to have so much sleaze.
You’re much more clinical.
What about Johnny Borrel? That dude is SLEAZE personified.
Not really. He’s still quite straight edged. He’s in the charts..and dates Hollywood actresses.
But ones that everyone knows have horrible STDs.
He’s going out with Kirsten Dunst.
STD HOTEL!
They have hotels?
To keep them alive to make time to study them later.
Well somebody’s got to.
It’s quite noble really.
Well, she is one of our most noble actresses.
Rex Regan!
Rex Regan is a noble actor?
No, for putting him up in her hotel.
If you could be any part in any film ever made what part would you be?
I would reprise Tom Selluck’s role in Quigly Down Under.
I’d be Tom Selluck’s role in Three Men One Lady.
He had it all figured out.
He certainly did. He finally learnt to balance family and career.
Could you not just balance your family and career anyway, so you could pick a different character with superhuman powers?
My character does have superhuman properties. He can shoot his rifle a mile and a quarter. This is an old school rifle, not a fancy marine sniper rifle.
Isn’t that the rifle’s skills?
No. This is like 1890s Australia.
Well that’s quite a skill.
He’s also just very roguish and charming, gets out of scrapes.
Interview- Ali Hewson & Polly O'Shea; Words- Ali Hewson
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